so it goes

...

2009-11-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

Gravitation, or gravity, is a natural phenomenon by which objects with mass attract one another.^[1] In everyday life, gravitation is most familiar as the agent that lends weight to objects with mass and causes them to fall to the ground when dropped. (thanks wikipedia)

frustration

2009-11-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

the hardest thing to do in this world is change.

sum it up

2009-10-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

things i am working on right now:
1. being okay with the fact that i may never have something i really want. its very hard for me. could i really be happy or just relatively compared to having that one thing? will this feeling pass? its knocking me sideways.
2. doing something everyday that makes me feel better than yesterday. physically, mentally, emotionally it doesn't matter.
3. running.

sunday sunday sunday

2009-10-04T22:02:00.001-07:00

its okay with me if things don't work out.
its okay with me if you happen to not understand where i'm coming from.
its okay with me if you don't want to know who i am.
i get it. there are millions of people and situations that i am never going to grasp.

that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
that doesn't mean i sleep well at night.
that doesn't mean a god damn fucking thing to me.

a let down.

2009-08-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Today I realized how much I would be devastated if anything happened to my dog.
I am also disappointed in one person's complete ambivalence to my suffering and my dog's health.

Why can't someone just really show me that they value my feelings and understand the things that are most important to me. I believe that one of the requirements of love is that you should completely accept and care about the other person above all others. And by accept I mean value that others feelings and treat them as your own. Its not enough to say I love you. ever.

There are just some things about one you care about that become apparent over time. And if you consistently miss these things and there significance well then I just don't know what to say. Maybe its because you truly don't love them, or care about them like you want to believe. Nothing is in harmony and yet there is not enough discord to make progress.

les petites misere de la vie humaine....

2009-06-01T01:59:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings.

...so this is how i feel right now. so confused by life, how am i ever to figure it out...help.

2009-05-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

I will opt out...
tired of other people's view on my life.
done.

Just a tired girl trying to do something with her life,
besides the same old.
Sad because this has caused a divide.

I used to depend on you to be an anchor...
now your just a warning sign.

Where do i look now for the lighthouse?

2009-02-25T21:26:00.000-08:00

well i'm back.

it has been some time,

game set.

(did you notice the haiku Chance?)

voting in zion

2008-10-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

after three attempts in this god forsaken state i am registered to vote! yeah! im going today for early voting. hopefully it will matter. if not, im just voting in my head next time.

effing rams.

2008-10-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

steven jackson is now on my axis of evil. thats right. romo is next.

feeling blue and inward.

2008-10-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

It's the place that's said to break
It's just as safe from the outside tonight

And I warned them
I face the storms at the tides
From the lighthouse

And I warned them
Unleash the storm and the night

Oh...

What do the waves have to say now?
What do the waves have to say now?

Slow down

And let the waves have their way now
Slow, and let the waves have their day

And I warned them

Here I've been living on roofs made from sin
I put an outward, "Begin, begin."

Here I've been lucid I'm living within
Inwardly urgent and sinking again

The Lighthouse
Interpol

just saying

2008-10-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

if the bailout plan was rejected, some people believe that the american economy is ruined. i might think so too. but is it because its been shoved down my throat?

why do i care about wall street? i dont have stock. my retirment plan currently is to die early. it really doesnt matter to me if all the investors and stock brokers have to serve up burgers and fries at mickey d's like the rest of us. hell, it might stop the immigration problem too.

i also dont really believe that if say 100,000 to 200,000 of these wall street players go broke. or their companies either. truth be told, this is America dammit! we do things on a bigger scale. 2ooK is a drop in the bucket. smaller businesses are not able to borrow money? well, i estimate that when the big brother businesses go bye-bye, that these smaller businesses might actually boom with all the new demand and not-so-much supply available.

so far i have not been late on my mortgage. do you wanna know why? well because i didnt go buy a 500,000 dollar home or mansion on the hill i couldn't possible afford if push came to shove. one might say, i was a savvy investor. on the news those big homes in foreclosure aren't the 100k homes people SHOULD buy. its the just-out-of-reach-lookie-what-i-have-and-you-dont homes. pah-lease.

im done now but not really. just too much to say.

the people don't care

2008-09-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

sometimes i make the mistake of thinking that what i know must be common knowledge...wrong. how come every time i say, "what do you think about the bailout?" or "did you see bush's speech last night?" all i get back is a "what? i dont know about stuff like that." or "i dont pay attention to that." like, is it too much to ask to care a bit about important things that are going on in our country, if not internationally? i mean....really? you would be surprised how many people really don't know a thing about anything.

too much is too much

2008-09-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

my feelings on sarah palin may not count for anything but i think that for someone to be soooo pro-life, all about the family...maybe she should take a look at her own. 5 kids, one newborn with down syndome and one pregnant teenager. i don't know how she defines "functional" but i think she may want to spend some time getting to know her own family, not trying to dictate the likes of everyone elses. but, oh wait, that is what evangelicals do. you are never wrong, your neighbor just is.

things fall apart

2008-09-18T11:27:00.003-07:00

i may not be a studied economist but i am a human being whose 25 years taught me a thing or to about surviving with little to no money, most of the time. and for sure i think that things just dont one day go from 100% hunky dory to, oops! our company is broke. pah-lease! as if these ceo's and corporate greedy bottom feeders didn't get there million dollar salary this year at aig and lehman brothers. i think we should put em all in jail for fraud.

patriot act

2008-09-18T11:27:00.002-07:00

who cares if someone hacked into Palin's e-mail? not me, the government apparently has the right to do so to anyone living in these 50 or so states. so cry me a river.

really funny

2008-09-18T11:27:00.001-07:00

obama waffles? im not sure if these guys are just dumb or racist fucks reminiscent of the kkk era? oh, wait, thats the same thing.

my new blog

2008-09-17T20:33:00.001-07:00

going through the day to day, i often stop and think to myself "this shit sucks," in reference to many things, such is life.

so i wanted to share my thoughts and rants on all things in my world maybe someone can relate, maybe not.

today i was struck by the issue that is made of fairness, pertaining to the presidential election. day after day the news is inundated with stories about how mickey is (mccain) being treated unfairly by the press, hollywood, and the celebrity population. what i have to say to these people (republicans) is LIFE IS NOT FAIR! if you do something people disagree with they may hate you, talk shit about you and your campaign, may even try to make you appear the bad candidate (i agree). maybe if you wanted fairness you should not BE in the election at all.

it probably sucks that you dont have many hollywood friends and cant raise 9million in one dinner but TOUGH LUCK. even celebrities are entitled to pick and support a candidate. people dislike you because you suck. your politics suck, your teeth suck, and your complexion sucks big time. but vanity aside, how many people do you expect to like you if you succeed in overturning roe vs. wade? whats really NOT FAIR is that the government gets to oversee such personal decisions in a woman's life.

on another subject, also NOT FAIR is that the government bails out AIG for what, 85billion while im still eating top ramen working my ass off to get ahead FAIRLY. maybe i should start handing out loans to people that will not be able to pay me back this century at ridiculous interest rates til i go bust and see who helps me out?

fair-shmair.